Four Simple Words
by artykidd
Summary: A little goodbye speech from Raph to April. It's a bit sad but with a good ending. Just a oneshot


_So I was wondering. How long does it take to get to heaven? Was it sudden? Did it happen when you took your last breath or when your last breath left you? Did you shut your eyes and reopen them to find where you were? Was there a light that appeared, like a tunnel? Was it fast or did it happen in slow motion? Did you know it was coming or did it take you by surprise? What's Heaven like anyway? Do they really have streets of gold and a glassy sea?_

_I don't mean to sound insensitive or nuthin. Honest. I just always wondered about stuff like that. _

_Ready for a shock? I read the Bible once. I was curious I guess. I just wanted to see what others were talking about. Some of it I didn't understand. There were notes your dad left in the Bible that explained some stuff to me. Yeah, you heard me right, I read your Bible. I guess I should have told you that I borrowed it, considering the panic it caused you. You thought you had lost your family heirloom and it was with me. I should have told you I had it. I'm sorry. Hey, I got it back to you the next week though. You thought you just misplaced it. I don't know why I didn't say nuthin. Yeah, I do. I was afraid of being laughed at. I should have known that book was important to you. I guess I should have asked first, huh? I should have known better._

_There's a bunch of "should haves" in that last bit, isn't there. A lifetime full of regrets and wishes unfulfilled. I wish I had told you everything and I regret that I didn't. But you, you never regretted anything did ya'? You never regretted meeting the four of us and splinter. You never regretted taking us in, even after you lost your home, your store, all of it. Burned to the ground. That's how I know you made it to Heaven. You have the heart of someone who belongs there. You were always so kind and giving. You never turned us away. You never turned me away. _

_That's something else I regret. All those times I showed up in the middle of the night, pounding on your window pane and waking you up. I was so drunk. But that's no excuse is it. I'm sorry. I really am. But you, you never said a harsh word to me about it. No matter how many times it happened before, you'd let me in anyway. Give me something to eat and let me sleep on the couch. In the mornin' you'd give me plenty of coffee, breakfast, and made sure I was good and sober each time you sent me home. You never scolded me like everyone else did. You just listened while I unloaded on ya'. I was so selfish back then. The last time though, that was a real bad one. I was sick for days. And you, you covered for me. Told the rest of the guys I must have had the flu but and not to come around that you would send me home when I was better. _

_It wasn't the being sick that did it, that made me quit. It was the look on your face. I had disappointed and hurt you and I couldn't take that truth. I haven't touched a drop since then. You noticed too didn't you._

_I remember it so well even though it was so long ago, five years. Seems like a lifetime. One night at dinner you slipped a little piece of paper in my hand so no one else saw. I opened it later when I was alone in my room. Four simple words. Who knew that something as short and simple as "I'm proud of you" could mean so much? _

_There were times I wanted a drink so bad that my whole body would crave it. My hands would shake; my mouth would go dry, and then, that note. That little piece of paper would help me. _

_I'd lock myself in my room and just stare at that little white slip with those words written on it. And then I'd think of that look you gave me when I was the worst. I couldn't do it again. Not to you._

_God I miss you. All those late night talks, when I was mad at the world. I don't know how you put up with me, I really don't. That's just another reason why I know you made it to Heaven. You cared about us and loved us all, no matter what. It was the way you loved us all, unconditionally. You never asked for anything in return. You just gave._

_I remember when Mikey first brought Klunk home. You brought down everything the little furball needed. Our kitchen was always full and Donnie could always count on your help in fixing things. I don't know how much you spent on us over the years. I quit trying to keep track. I swore that I would pay you back one day and I tried, but you wouldn't take one cent. You said we were family and that's just how it was. We didn't owe you anything._

_But you were so wrong April. We owed you so much. And me? I owed you everything. You made life so sweet. Don't get mad at me for this, but, you made my life a living hell too. _

_I loved you April. I still do. Not like the love for a sister, but, real love, ya' know? I hated myself for not being human. I wished everyday that I was so that you could love me too. Then I could have taken you away from all this, this madness. Away from the Stockman's and Shredders of the world, away from all the danger and fighting. But it never happened did it?_

_As much as it hurt to be around you, the joy of it all was worth it. Your smile made the world a beautiful place. And your touch, when you would accidentally brush up against me or when you would squeeze my shoulder just to let me know you were there, that made all the pain go away. _

_You were an angel weren't you? God sent you to help us and watch over us. I guess your job was over 'cause he called you home. I miss you April._

Raphael stood and remained quiet for sometime. His body was so still, one might have thought he was a stone sentry placed to watch over the newly filled grave. After what seemed like an eternity, he began to leave, watching her headstone as he backed away. "You're being stupid," he muttered to himself. "She's gone and no matter how much you stare at that grave, it isn't gonna' change anything." With a heavy sigh, he turned away and began the long walk home.

The sound of a chime rang out as the door to the corner store opened and a solitary figure in a trench coat walked in. The clerk looked up from his paper glancing over at the strange figure. He nodded hello, Raphael nodded back and the clerk continued his reading. Raphael made his way to the back of the store and began mulling over his choices. They were all there. All his old friends, now all he had to do was pick one. "Better make sure I have cash," he reminded himself. Reaching into his pocket with the familiar shaking hand, he pulled out a wad of cash. In the process, a small piece of crisp, white paper flitted its way to the ground. Unsure of what it was, Raphael knelt down to pick it up. He succumbed to his curiosity and opened it. When he did, tears welled up in his eyes. "_Dear Raphael, It's been five years. I just wanted you to know that I remembered and most importantly, I'm proud of you. Love you. April_"

Raphael smiled and put the note back in his pocket. He carefully made his choice and carried it to the counter. "That'll be 5.95," the clerk said. Raphael handed the clerk a ten and waited on his change. Placing the change on the counter, the clerk smiled. "Four dollars and five cents is your change. Enjoy those Pepsi's and be careful going home tonight son."

"I will sir," Raphael grinned as he left the store. "I will."


End file.
